Charity.... The pure love of Christ.

 When we think of charity, I think what comes to my own mind is giving money, possessions, service, time. Those things are most definitely incorporated in charity. As I sat in the Laurel class (16-18 year old girls) on Sunday at church, my amazing friend gave a lesson on this topic. Charity. It really made me stop and actually realize that having charity means a lot more than just giving something. In the Bible dictionary it defines charity as, "The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ. It is never used to denote alms or deeds of benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive." Wow. The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love. That is the love Christ gave and gives. Charity not only means giving of things, but giving of pure, genuine, honest love. I have been thinking about this almost constantly since Sunday. I don't feel like I have enough charity. That I haven't been truly charitable.
J, too, has constantly been on my mind along with charity. Everyone makes choices that don't correlate with the commandments. There is not one person who is exempt from making such choices. The choices that I'm referring to vary greatly in magnitude and severity. However, this doesn't mean one person is above another in the eyes of our loving, gracious Heavenly Father and our Savior. We are ALL His children. He loves each and every one of us regardless of our choices. I am by no means at all saying that this justifies wrong choices. It most certainly doesn't. What I am trying to say is, I need to develop charity. J's choices have hurt me more than I thought was humanly possible, but that doesn't mean Heavenly Father loves him any less. I have been thinking about who he is now as opposed to who he REALLY is. Literally, it is night and day. Not in any way is the person that he is now, even remotely close to who he truly is. I want my heart to be filled only with charity and forgiveness towards J. That is what he deserves. He is already suffering the consequences of his actions in so many ways. So many. Right now he needs me to forgive, love, and pray for him to find that REAL J again. I am heart broken for so many obvious reasons, but right now my heart breaks mostly for what the world is missing out on right now. And that is a person that has been taken by a horrible, nasty, evil substance. He has SO much to offer this world, and that is lost for now. How unfortunate we are. Not only is he the most accepting, loving, hilarious, non-judgmental person I had ever met, he has an extremely strong spirit, and testimony. Everywhere he went he was telling people about the gospel and making it known that that is what truly brings peace and happiness. Satan knows what an asset he is to help build our Heavenly Father's kingdom here upon the earth. He knows and he took a cheap shot when it started with an innocent necessity of having to deal with terrible pain. He knew he couldn't get J to do any of these horrible things without a substance altering his brain. That is why he slowly pulled him down. I believe with all of my heart that J doesn't want this addiction. He doesn't want to lie. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. He loves his kids more than life. He deep down right now loves the gospel. He KNOWS that we have a loving Savior that paid the ultimate price for all of us. He knows it. His sweet testimony is engrained in my mind. That is what I have held on to. I read his patriarchal blessing on a regular basis. That is who J is.
I was talking to my sweet mother in law after we found out that J had been arrested. She made the comment after she was looking through the pictures of all of the people that had also been arrested that they probably have people who's hearts were aching for their loved one just like ours are for J. I thought about that. That leads me back to having charity. Yes, these people have obviously made wrong choices, but what has gotten them to where they are? Maybe they don't know any different because they were raised by drug addicts. Maybe they have been abused in one way or another. Maybe they have mental disorders. Maybe they feel alone. Maybe they don't have family to love them. Maybe they just made one wrong choice that led them to another and another. We all make bad choices at times. I know I do. Two quotes by President Uchtdorf (second counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) have been popping in my head a LOT lately: "Don't judge me because I sin differently than you do." "When it comes to holding grudges, judging others, hating, wanting to cause harm, withholding forgiveness, gossiping, ridiculing, ignoring others, withholding mercy, throwing stones, apply the following: STOP IT!". I love those reminders. We need to remember that we are all sons and daughters of God. He loves us ALL. Every. Single. One. He loves us so much, our minds probably couldn't even comprehend it. I have a LOT to work on. I am so grateful for my precious Addie. The other day I was bugged by a someone. I wasn't talking very kindly about this person to a friend of mine. First mistake: I was gossiping. Second mistake: I was doing it right in front of my daughter!!! What kind of example is that?! Luckily I am blessed with an absolutely AMAZING daughter that is so often above her years. She talked to me later and told me that it really bothered her that I was talking like that about someone else. She doesn't even know the person I was talking about. But it still bothered her. What a lesson!!!!! I felt HORRIBLE! I felt horrible for talking that way already, but then to see how it affected Addie. The worst thing is, I don't really even know this person that well. I'm positive she is going through some sort of a trial because who isn't, and here I am judging and ridiculing her!!! I am still so mad at myself. In fact she probably is bothered by something I do! Who knows. I do know that I am going to pray hard. VERY hard. I want to humble myself enough to really see if eventually I can cultivate true charity for others. Oh boy, now that I have not only said it out loud, but have written it, Satan is REALLY going to work on me. I am going to have to really rely on the Lord. I can just imagine how much happier EVERYONE would be if we just accepted others. Stopped judging. Stopped gossiping. Stopped ridiculing. I know how miserable it makes me when I am involved in those actions. I want to be happy. I want others to be happy. I would NEVER want to be the cause of someone else feeling hurt. Ever. I know I am way too often guilty of doing so. I also know I am not perfect, and that I will still make millions of mistakes. But if I can do my best in developing charity, what a difference that will make! I have so much to work on. But I know it will bring happiness. I know it.