Teach Them By Example.
If you have read this whole blog (I don't blame you if you haven't), I was reluctant to open up about the issues I've had with my self-esteem and body image. I just felt so inspired to do so. I still don't know why, but I usually try to not go against inspiration. As my beautiful 11 year old daughter, Addie, is getting to the age where she is already becoming self conscious about the way she looks, where she fits in, and who does/does not like her. I have listened and read (I stalk her Instagram that's the only way I'll let her have one) many conversations either between she and her friends or amongst other girls. Growing up is hard!! I know that they need to go through trials, heartaches, and obstacles, but I also know these are stepping stones to a fuller and happier life. We hear it all the time that kids today are faced with so much adversity. Even more than when I was Addie's age. I didn't have Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. If kids were bullied, it had to be a face to face kind of interaction, or maybe on the telephone. Now kids can be bullied constantly and not only vocally, but through social media where it becomes more cemented. As I have mentioned before, things that have been said to me have affected me to the point of absolutely HATING myself. They weren't even as horrible as what I have heard said to other kids. But regardless, they stuck with me and I took them to heart. I went from an outgoing little girl who loved life and everything about it, to a very withdrawn, anti-social, scared to even talk in fear of being annoying, girl that locked herself up and felt unworthy of love and happiness. We are not sent here to live in misery!!! We are sent here to be tried and tested, but also to be happy, to grow and progress into the amazing people we were and are intended to be!
I am hearing so many horribly mean, hurtful, devastating things being said by kids to their peers. I have been shocked at the many conversations, language, heartless, filth I have read just within a small amount of time. What is going on? I know that kids have always been mean, bullied, picked on, and made fun of, but it has gotten out of hand. I know I can't change the world by any means, but I have been really pondering and praying. There has to be SOMETHING I can do. But what? It then donned on me. Why don't I just focus on being an example to my own daughter?! Why don't I make sure she is always being reminded of not only who she is, but WHOSE she is! This by no means at all is going to change the world, but it can definitely be a start. How am I going to make sure Addie knows ALWAYS that she is a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven? Because we need to go through heartaches and trials, she may not feel like that all the time. In fact, it is safe to say, because she is human, she won't always feel confident of that. She is going to go through times when she may feel, unworthy, not accepted, not good enough, because I don't know one person that doesn't feel that way from time to time. When such times arise in her life, I want her to quickly be reminded Whose she is.
Today I had the opportunity to take my kids to the temple grounds. Two of Addie's darling friends came. I brought a blanket and we sat on the temple grounds. I wanted to read them a talk from general conference. As I was looking through my phone for one that stood out that I felt they should hear, Koleman was walking around trying to collect leaves, climb a tree, just enjoying the surroundings. That is a rare occasion that I can pull him away from his comfort zone and he is happy to be out away from his own home. So I decided I would let him continue enjoying what he was doing, rather than ruining it by making him sit down with us. Just then a talk popped out at me by Elaine S. Dalton who is the former General Young Women President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It was entitled "We are Daughters of Our Heavenly Father." I read it to Addie and her two friends. They listened intently. She talked about "Whose we are". In it she says, "In a morally desensitizing world, young women need women and men to
“stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all
places.” Never before has this been more important than now. Young women
need mothers and mentors who exemplify virtuous womanhood. Mothers,
your relationship with your daughter is of paramount importance, and so
is your example." LIGHT BULB!!! That is when I realized (I'm a little slow sometimes ;-)), that is what I can do!!! Be that example to Addie. I fall extremely short at times at exemplifying what a virtuous women should be, when I am impatient, find myself gossiping, listening to the radio and not changing the station when a song that may have a catchy beat, but has HORRIBLE lyrics comes on, and the list goes on and on! I need to consciously be thinking to myself "Am I being an example to my daughter, (and Koleman too) of what a virtuous women should be?" I want my children to consciously and constantly think of everyone as children of God, before they are so quick to judge. I want them to constantly and consciously think about a choice and if it would be in harmony with the Lord's teachings and commandments. I want them to constantly and consciously be ready to withstand temptations that will harm themselves either physically or emotionally, or that may harm others. How can I get them to be thinking that way? Well I can't just remind them by telling them all the time, I have to be doing those exact things myself! I have a lot to work on, but I feel that is the only and best way to really help them to truly love and accept others, and to love and accept themselves. I want them to remember that we are all here for the same purpose, to return to live with our Heavenly Father and His Son again. Why tear each other down? Why not lift each other, and help each other reach that goal that we so badly are desiring for ourselves. There is so much pressure to look a certain way, have the latest and greatest technology, be the best athlete or dancer, have the best clothes, the prettiest hair, the fewest wrinkles, the smallest waist, drive the nicest car, live in the nicest neighborhood, have gone on the most fabulous vacations, etc. I may just think this because I am a girl, but a lot of those expectations seem to be a lot more demanding to women and girls than to men and boys. I just don't think men are as hard wired to think that way to the extent that women do. We are bombarded with images of what the world is saying we should look like in order for us to be valued and accepted. Even as I watch the Disney Channel, the way that many of the girls dress and even the way they act, is not the example I want for Addie.
There are two particular girls that I know. They are in my ward. From the first day I was called as Secretary in the Young Women, I have been SO impressed by them. They are true examples of what virtuous women look like. They are accepting of EVERYONE. They both want to do all they can to be close to the Lord. You can literally feel their spirits. They radiate such an amazing light of Christ. The thing about them too, is they are both absolutely beautiful according to worldly standards. But WHO they are not HOW they look is where their beauty is just accentuated. They always have smiles on their faces. They are willing to help anyone in anyway at anytime. They serve others constantly and seem to look for opportunities to serve. They are beyond their years, and I am truly in awe of them. Wouldn't it be amazing if all young women had the same desires and goals that these girls do? I don't know their mothers very well, but I can be almost positive that these girls have had amazing examples to look up to in their mothers. They have been taught to love, accept, serve, and honor others for who they are.
As I listen to Addie and her friends, or read conversations on Instagram between girls, I just want to take them all and wrap them in my arms and remind them WHOSE they are! What amazing young women they were sent here to become. I want to tell them that having the most followers on Instagram, wearing the best clothes, having the most boys like them, being considered pretty according to what the world is telling us is pretty, being skinny, all of these things DON'T MATTER. What does matter is how they treat one another, who they are serving, what they can do to help one another feel loved and accepted, remembering that everyone is a son or daughter of God, remembering WHOSE they are! Although there are many influences and messages out there that are telling these girls they aren't good enough, I am so impressed by the goodness that so many of these young girls radiate. They are strong. They are valiant. They were sent at this time for a reason. They are going to be amazing mothers, teachers, and leaders in the church. Satan knows how amazing they are, and he has pulled out all the stops to bring them down, to make them feel they are not good enough. To make them feel that being mean to one another and tearing each other down makes them look better. They need us! They need examples of virtue, love, kindness, respect, confidence, what it looks like to truly be close to the Lord and want to serve Him by serving others. Unfortunately, as I have had the opportunity to be a mother, to work in Young Women, to work around children at school, I have seen many times mothers that are showing exactly opposite of what virtue is. I am extremely embarrassed to admit this, but even I, have caught myself talking about others right in front of Addie. I have not been the example that I want to be to her. I have a LOT of work to do myself. I want to make a difference. I want ALL girls and women EVERYWHERE to know WHOSE they are!!! That they are ALL BEAUTIFUL daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. That He loves them SO much. I want them to remember what is important. I know by starting with myself, that is the best place! Working on being the woman Heavenly Father sent me here to become, and wanting Addie to do the same because of my example. Then in turn, having her be an example to other girls, and so on. We can do this! I can do this! We CAN make a difference!
I am hearing so many horribly mean, hurtful, devastating things being said by kids to their peers. I have been shocked at the many conversations, language, heartless, filth I have read just within a small amount of time. What is going on? I know that kids have always been mean, bullied, picked on, and made fun of, but it has gotten out of hand. I know I can't change the world by any means, but I have been really pondering and praying. There has to be SOMETHING I can do. But what? It then donned on me. Why don't I just focus on being an example to my own daughter?! Why don't I make sure she is always being reminded of not only who she is, but WHOSE she is! This by no means at all is going to change the world, but it can definitely be a start. How am I going to make sure Addie knows ALWAYS that she is a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven? Because we need to go through heartaches and trials, she may not feel like that all the time. In fact, it is safe to say, because she is human, she won't always feel confident of that. She is going to go through times when she may feel, unworthy, not accepted, not good enough, because I don't know one person that doesn't feel that way from time to time. When such times arise in her life, I want her to quickly be reminded Whose she is.
As I listen to Addie and her friends, or read conversations on Instagram between girls, I just want to take them all and wrap them in my arms and remind them WHOSE they are! What amazing young women they were sent here to become. I want to tell them that having the most followers on Instagram, wearing the best clothes, having the most boys like them, being considered pretty according to what the world is telling us is pretty, being skinny, all of these things DON'T MATTER. What does matter is how they treat one another, who they are serving, what they can do to help one another feel loved and accepted, remembering that everyone is a son or daughter of God, remembering WHOSE they are! Although there are many influences and messages out there that are telling these girls they aren't good enough, I am so impressed by the goodness that so many of these young girls radiate. They are strong. They are valiant. They were sent at this time for a reason. They are going to be amazing mothers, teachers, and leaders in the church. Satan knows how amazing they are, and he has pulled out all the stops to bring them down, to make them feel they are not good enough. To make them feel that being mean to one another and tearing each other down makes them look better. They need us! They need examples of virtue, love, kindness, respect, confidence, what it looks like to truly be close to the Lord and want to serve Him by serving others. Unfortunately, as I have had the opportunity to be a mother, to work in Young Women, to work around children at school, I have seen many times mothers that are showing exactly opposite of what virtue is. I am extremely embarrassed to admit this, but even I, have caught myself talking about others right in front of Addie. I have not been the example that I want to be to her. I have a LOT of work to do myself. I want to make a difference. I want ALL girls and women EVERYWHERE to know WHOSE they are!!! That they are ALL BEAUTIFUL daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. That He loves them SO much. I want them to remember what is important. I know by starting with myself, that is the best place! Working on being the woman Heavenly Father sent me here to become, and wanting Addie to do the same because of my example. Then in turn, having her be an example to other girls, and so on. We can do this! I can do this! We CAN make a difference!
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