Happiness is the Path.

Is it just me or does it seem like everywhere we look we are bombarded with negativity, heartache, pain, gossip, and temptations? I have been so totally focused on all of the negative lately and I can't believe what it has done to me physically. My heart races, I can't sleep, I have anxiety attacks even with taking medication for them, I am SO down.
I finally woke up and realized, I have GOT TO GET A GRIP!!!! I have battled depression since I was in high school. So for about 17 years I have tried and tried to regulate my emotions. I have taken medication since I was a junior in high school. Unfortunately, long ago, I trained myself to have what I like to think of as an "Eeyore attitude." The donkey from Winnie The Pooh, he always seems sad and never seems to be able to see the positive in things. I wrote my whole story in some of my very first posts. When I was in seventh grade, I allowed things that other people did and said become who I was. I never felt good enough because I believed what others said and how they treated me was where my worth was. Instead of making new friends, doing what I could to believe in myself, and moving forward with a "Win-win" attitude, I secluded myself. I told myself ALL THE TIME that I was ugly, dumb, annoying, not good at anything, fat. When I say all the time, I literally mean all the time. When I would go to church or school instead of being outgoing and who I once was, I kept to myself. I would tell myself I nobody would want me as a friend, or I wasn't pretty enough, I didn't dress good enough, I didn't have a good enough personality so I couldn't possibly allow myself to be with friends because I would just be rejected in some way. I stopped myself from having fun by not going to hang out with friends, not going to fun school or church activities. I stopped myself from progressing by not trying out for certain teams or trying to be in different clubs at school. I restricted an extreme amount of happiness by being so focused on myself and how worthless I was, I missed out on many service opportunities. The saddest part of all of this is, I can NEVER get that time back. I can't go back and do things differently. Unfortunately, this "Eeyore attitude", although getting a bit better, followed me after high school. It followed me into the early part of my marriage. Nobody stopped me from having fun, from progressing spiritually, academically, emotionally. Nobody caused me from missing out on many different amazing opportunities that I could have experienced. Nobody controlled how I felt about myself. Nobody...but me. With all of that being said, I still have to consciously remind myself to not focus on the negative. That is where my thoughts and mind set still tend to sway and even sometimes dwell for short periods of time. So, as of the last few weeks, I have been so overwhelmed and in all honesty, feeling a bit of fear. Surprisingly, my thoughts haven't been with what has happened in the very recent past with J. Like I said at the beginning, it just seems everywhere there is so much negativity. Well, unfortunately THERE IS! There are SO many trials that are having to be faced. So many temptations. So much is focused on being the best in the world's point of view and doing whatever it takes to get there. Satan is pulling out every stop. He is losing time and he doesn't want us to win. He wants us to be miserable. He wants us to fail. He wants us to feel as if we aren't good looking enough, not athletic enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, not good enough. Unfortunately, he is doing a very good job. And that is also, sadly, what I have been so focused on. But what I haven't tried to focus on is, although there is an immense amount of turmoil all around, there is also an immense amount of positive!!! It isn't even hard to see, unless you get in the mind-set I have allowed myself to be in. We are SO fortunate. SO blessed!!! There is SO much good in the world! For one we live in a BEAUTIFUL world! So much beauty around us when we walk out our front doors! There are people who are helping other people all around us. There are uplifting things that are being implemented in some school's curriculum to encourage students to be the best they can be. We have the restored gospel on the Earth! We have a living prophet, President Thomas S. Monson to lead, guide, and direct us being the mouthpiece for our loving Father in Heaven. We have missionary work going on all over. Temples being built all around the world. We have the scriptures both ancient and modern that is our best resource to find answers, to bring happiness, to find peace. Personally, I have my two precious kids who are healthy, happy, and bring more joy than I ever thought possible. I can go on and on! There is so much positive, so much to be grateful for. I know I have a TON of work to do, but if I can remind myself of one short phrase, "I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father Who loves me", that will help me focus on what is good, what is positive, and what blessings surround me. I KNOW without any shadow of a doubt that my Savior lives. He loves me. He suffered for me. He died for me. He is there for me at any time day or night. He wants me to be happy. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to grow. I love Him. I love Him so much it can never be put into words. I KNOW He lives. Oh how fortunate I am. I have every reason to be happy. Positive things are all around me.