Another Try...
J would continue to come and see us. The frustrating part about it was that it was almost always never when he said it would be. A lot of days he wouldn't even see the kids because by the time he would get to the house, they would be in bed. I could very rarely count on him to be there or to do certain things the way he said they would happen. Often, he would tell me we would do something together as a family, or he would take me to dinner, or he would be there to watch one of the kids do something, and he wouldn't be there on time, or sometimes even at all.
We got our tax return back at the beginning of February. It was a good amount. I noticed that it was going pretty quickly. I knew I had to buy some things for the kids, and at this point we were having to use it to live on because J still hadn't been paid. But I knew I wasn't spending it that quickly. I looked up our bank account. There were two five hundred dollar purchases from some cell phone place out of Las Vegas. There were also a ton of ATM withdrawals. I got some money out of the ATM one time so that I could pay our tithing, but that was it. I added up all the other ones. With the two cell phone place purchases and all of the other ATM withdraws, it added up to $2500 dollars. I asked J about it and he told me that the money would be doubled and he would get it when he got his check.
In February his dad was really sick. They had to life flight him to the University of Utah hospital in Salt Lake. The doctors gave him only a short time left to live. He passed away in March. I wanted to be there for J. I felt so bad. At this point he also didn't have a car because he used his dad's car and it wasn't paid for so it had to be given back to the dealership. I told J he could move back in with us. I not only wanted to support him through this, but he would also need a car.
He told me that he was waiting on a huge check from a deal he made with the cell phones. I never saw it. I never saw an actual paycheck from the cell phones for that matter. He would sporadically give me cash here and there, never a paycheck. Luckily we got our income tax return back and it was quite a bit to help out.
J left one Sunday (even after I begged him not to), and when he came home he told me he had a new job. He said he was fed up with not getting paid from doing the cell phones. He said he met a guy at this other guy's house who he went to help him move a mattress and fix his cell phone (he was ALWAYS leaving for cell phone issues...). He supposedly owned some company where they merged companies together. I probably sound dumb, but that is all I ever really understood about it. I didn't know what they actually did, I didn't know where the office was (he would never take me or tell me an actual address), I didn't even know the name of the company (he always told me that it was in the works of a new name?). He reassured me that this was going to be a lot of money. It was funny though how we went through the exact same scenarios as previous "jobs". He didn't know for sure when he would be paid and exactly how much, it was just going to be a lot of money.
The kids had the Friday before Easter and the Monday after off of school. My friend (who's more like a sister), and I thought it would be fun to drive down to Las Vegas with the kids and do some fun things down there. We decided we would go on Monday of that week. J told me the week before that he would be paid the Friday when we were planning on going. I was going to be paid on Thursday, but it wasn't very much. So when we talked about going I made J tell me over and over again that he for sure would be paid that Friday so I would be ok money wise in Vegas. He kept telling me the money would be in the bank account that morning. I would be just fine. So we left for Vegas. I kept checking our bank account on my phone. No money. I would text J, and he would tell me just 20 more minutes and he would have it in there. I would check twenty minutes or more later, still no money. Luckily, I had enough money to buy the kids some lunch and for gas, but we wanted to do some other things that would cost a little money. I would call him and get the same thing, give him just one more hour, or thirty more minutes. I would check and still no money. I was furious. By this time it was getting close to six o'clock when I knew our bank would be closed. We were just letting the kids play around in a Toys R' Us. I went outside to call him. It was literally 5:50. I asked him what I was supposed to do. He told me he was figuring it out. I told him he didn't have time. He said he would call me right back. He calls back and tells me that he is going to have to send a money gram thing to a Wal-Mart there. What in the world??!! Now we were going to have to drive around looking for a Wal-Mart, after we had already waited all day to do some of the other things we had planned. I felt so bad that here we had not only a car full of anxious, excited kids, but my poor friend who came to have a fun time and because of me we couldn't. I felt so stupid. We find a Wal-Mart. I call J and tell him I'm there. On the way there he told me by the time I got there the money would be ready. So when I call him, he tells me that he needs to hurry and do something and he would call me right back. I angrily told him that I was standing in a Wal-Mart with a my friend waiting in the parking lot with a car full of kids. He said he was hurrying. I just sat there on the phone. He thought he had hung up, but he didn't. So I sat and tried to listen as I heard him talking to someone. I could hear a guy and some girl's voices. I heard him talking about selling a tablet to them. As I listened I heard EXTREMELY foul language from J's mouth. He also was mocking me and telling whoever he was with that he had to hurry to Wal-Mart because of his wife. I edited the way he said it. My heart was racing and I was sobbing as I listened. I went out to the parking lot and sat on a curb. My poor friend, here she was sitting in a car with five kids trying to distract them (especially Addie and Koleman) from seeing me fall to pieces. I hung up and called him right back. I told him what I had heard and he flat out denied EVERY single bit of it. I was beyond hurt and frustrated. It was a complete nightmare. He tried to make me think I was crazy. This was not the only time. He did it all the time. At four in the morning one day, I was woken up by him out in the other room talking on the phone to someone. I hear him using terrible language, and at first thought I was hearing things wrong. He continued to say it over and over again though and then I was sure. He did the same thing that time after I confronted him about it. He told me he didn't talk like that and that basically I was hearing things.
It was about eight that evening. We had wasted the whole day walking around a mall, Toys R' Us, and waiting at Wal-Mart. The kids were hungry and everyone was really tired. My amazing friend drove for me (I was having a hard time even thinking straight), and she took all the kids into an Applebee's for dinner, AND paid for it all. When we got home it was about midnight. My kids were both asleep. I carried them each in as J was sitting on the couch in the family room. I couldn't even look at him. I was so mad, hurt, exhausted, and confused. I went upstairs (we live in my parent's basement), my parents were out of town, so I just sat in the living room for a while. I couldn't talk to J, nor did I want to. I went to the bathroom. I noticed some kind of a wrapper on the counter in there. I didn't pay much attention to it. When I was washing my hands, I looked a little closer at it. It was one of those little tiny zip lock bags. It had some kind of print on the front, and something in the bottom. I picked it up and looked closer at it. It was some kind of powdery, crystal looking stuff. There wasn't very much, just a tiny bit. Now comes into play my naive mind. To most people it would have been blatantly obvious that it was in fact some kind of drug, but I just wasn't sure. I didn't want to confront him right then. I took it and put it in a plastic bag and hid it.
The next day, I showed it to him. I asked what it was. He took it and looked at it as if he had never seen it before. He said he didn't know what it was or where it came from. I told him that there was no way it was mine, or anyone else in our house. I also know that it wasn't on the sink before we left because I used that bathroom right before I walked out the door and it wasn't there. I demanded to know where it came from. He stuck to his story of not knowing and acted baffled himself. Then I asked if he let anyone in the house. He said a guy came to pick up a cell phone he was selling him. I asked if he used the bathroom. Of course he did. Then J was so angry that this person would bring drugs into our home. I was angry he would bring a person into my PARENT'S home.
J drove us to school every day so that he could take the car to "work". He had to have a car because he would drive to so many different appointments. I always thought it was weird that with all the driving he did for this job, he never got reimbursed for gas. It was very frustrating. We had to file bankruptcy about five years ago. When we did, we lost our car. My parents were self-less enough to actually give me their extra car. I never had the title changed into my name or anything. My mom told me that I needed to put the title in my name and also that I needed to get it insured in our name. I told J I needed it to be insured. He told me that he had already gotten insurance on it. I asked him where the proof of insurance cards were to put in the glove box and he told me he hadn't received them yet. Once again, weird. I literally thought I was going crazy because nothing ever seemed right. NOTHING. The car's registration expired in December. It was now February and it still wasn't registered. J told me at the beginning of December he would take care of it. He said he tried to get it to pass inspection but there was so much wrong with it that it would be hundreds of dollars to fix it. Hundreds of dollars we certainly didn't have. He kept telling me we would get it taken care of though. I was having a hard time finding the time to go and get the title changed to my name because I worked all day and also had school. J offered to go and do it for me one day while I was at work. After it was done he told me he had to put the title in his name because I wasn't present to do it and you physically have to be there. I knew my parents wouldn't be happy about that. They specifically told me to put it in my name and my name only.
We seemed to always be stuck after school waiting for him to show up to get us. Like I said, he was late to everything (he used to ALWAYS be the most prompt person ever). And often he wouldn't even show up to things he said he'd be to. It was always something. Literally. EVERY single day.
We were fighting EVERY single day. I was always confronting him about something, and then we'd fight because most often he would have an excuse or deny things. I got to the point where I couldn't hold my anger in. I had so many crazy emotions going on all at once all the time, I would just blow up. I was going crazy and really honestly wondered if I was going insane. I thought I may be bipolar, or that I was having a nervous breakdown. I was so scared. What was wrong with me? Why did I never feel like I had anything under control? I felt like I was in a huge pit and no matter how hard I tried to climb out, the pit would just get deeper and deeper. I was worn out in every sense of the word.
We got our tax return back at the beginning of February. It was a good amount. I noticed that it was going pretty quickly. I knew I had to buy some things for the kids, and at this point we were having to use it to live on because J still hadn't been paid. But I knew I wasn't spending it that quickly. I looked up our bank account. There were two five hundred dollar purchases from some cell phone place out of Las Vegas. There were also a ton of ATM withdrawals. I got some money out of the ATM one time so that I could pay our tithing, but that was it. I added up all the other ones. With the two cell phone place purchases and all of the other ATM withdraws, it added up to $2500 dollars. I asked J about it and he told me that the money would be doubled and he would get it when he got his check.
In February his dad was really sick. They had to life flight him to the University of Utah hospital in Salt Lake. The doctors gave him only a short time left to live. He passed away in March. I wanted to be there for J. I felt so bad. At this point he also didn't have a car because he used his dad's car and it wasn't paid for so it had to be given back to the dealership. I told J he could move back in with us. I not only wanted to support him through this, but he would also need a car.
He told me that he was waiting on a huge check from a deal he made with the cell phones. I never saw it. I never saw an actual paycheck from the cell phones for that matter. He would sporadically give me cash here and there, never a paycheck. Luckily we got our income tax return back and it was quite a bit to help out.
J left one Sunday (even after I begged him not to), and when he came home he told me he had a new job. He said he was fed up with not getting paid from doing the cell phones. He said he met a guy at this other guy's house who he went to help him move a mattress and fix his cell phone (he was ALWAYS leaving for cell phone issues...). He supposedly owned some company where they merged companies together. I probably sound dumb, but that is all I ever really understood about it. I didn't know what they actually did, I didn't know where the office was (he would never take me or tell me an actual address), I didn't even know the name of the company (he always told me that it was in the works of a new name?). He reassured me that this was going to be a lot of money. It was funny though how we went through the exact same scenarios as previous "jobs". He didn't know for sure when he would be paid and exactly how much, it was just going to be a lot of money.
The kids had the Friday before Easter and the Monday after off of school. My friend (who's more like a sister), and I thought it would be fun to drive down to Las Vegas with the kids and do some fun things down there. We decided we would go on Monday of that week. J told me the week before that he would be paid the Friday when we were planning on going. I was going to be paid on Thursday, but it wasn't very much. So when we talked about going I made J tell me over and over again that he for sure would be paid that Friday so I would be ok money wise in Vegas. He kept telling me the money would be in the bank account that morning. I would be just fine. So we left for Vegas. I kept checking our bank account on my phone. No money. I would text J, and he would tell me just 20 more minutes and he would have it in there. I would check twenty minutes or more later, still no money. Luckily, I had enough money to buy the kids some lunch and for gas, but we wanted to do some other things that would cost a little money. I would call him and get the same thing, give him just one more hour, or thirty more minutes. I would check and still no money. I was furious. By this time it was getting close to six o'clock when I knew our bank would be closed. We were just letting the kids play around in a Toys R' Us. I went outside to call him. It was literally 5:50. I asked him what I was supposed to do. He told me he was figuring it out. I told him he didn't have time. He said he would call me right back. He calls back and tells me that he is going to have to send a money gram thing to a Wal-Mart there. What in the world??!! Now we were going to have to drive around looking for a Wal-Mart, after we had already waited all day to do some of the other things we had planned. I felt so bad that here we had not only a car full of anxious, excited kids, but my poor friend who came to have a fun time and because of me we couldn't. I felt so stupid. We find a Wal-Mart. I call J and tell him I'm there. On the way there he told me by the time I got there the money would be ready. So when I call him, he tells me that he needs to hurry and do something and he would call me right back. I angrily told him that I was standing in a Wal-Mart with a my friend waiting in the parking lot with a car full of kids. He said he was hurrying. I just sat there on the phone. He thought he had hung up, but he didn't. So I sat and tried to listen as I heard him talking to someone. I could hear a guy and some girl's voices. I heard him talking about selling a tablet to them. As I listened I heard EXTREMELY foul language from J's mouth. He also was mocking me and telling whoever he was with that he had to hurry to Wal-Mart because of his wife. I edited the way he said it. My heart was racing and I was sobbing as I listened. I went out to the parking lot and sat on a curb. My poor friend, here she was sitting in a car with five kids trying to distract them (especially Addie and Koleman) from seeing me fall to pieces. I hung up and called him right back. I told him what I had heard and he flat out denied EVERY single bit of it. I was beyond hurt and frustrated. It was a complete nightmare. He tried to make me think I was crazy. This was not the only time. He did it all the time. At four in the morning one day, I was woken up by him out in the other room talking on the phone to someone. I hear him using terrible language, and at first thought I was hearing things wrong. He continued to say it over and over again though and then I was sure. He did the same thing that time after I confronted him about it. He told me he didn't talk like that and that basically I was hearing things.
It was about eight that evening. We had wasted the whole day walking around a mall, Toys R' Us, and waiting at Wal-Mart. The kids were hungry and everyone was really tired. My amazing friend drove for me (I was having a hard time even thinking straight), and she took all the kids into an Applebee's for dinner, AND paid for it all. When we got home it was about midnight. My kids were both asleep. I carried them each in as J was sitting on the couch in the family room. I couldn't even look at him. I was so mad, hurt, exhausted, and confused. I went upstairs (we live in my parent's basement), my parents were out of town, so I just sat in the living room for a while. I couldn't talk to J, nor did I want to. I went to the bathroom. I noticed some kind of a wrapper on the counter in there. I didn't pay much attention to it. When I was washing my hands, I looked a little closer at it. It was one of those little tiny zip lock bags. It had some kind of print on the front, and something in the bottom. I picked it up and looked closer at it. It was some kind of powdery, crystal looking stuff. There wasn't very much, just a tiny bit. Now comes into play my naive mind. To most people it would have been blatantly obvious that it was in fact some kind of drug, but I just wasn't sure. I didn't want to confront him right then. I took it and put it in a plastic bag and hid it.
The next day, I showed it to him. I asked what it was. He took it and looked at it as if he had never seen it before. He said he didn't know what it was or where it came from. I told him that there was no way it was mine, or anyone else in our house. I also know that it wasn't on the sink before we left because I used that bathroom right before I walked out the door and it wasn't there. I demanded to know where it came from. He stuck to his story of not knowing and acted baffled himself. Then I asked if he let anyone in the house. He said a guy came to pick up a cell phone he was selling him. I asked if he used the bathroom. Of course he did. Then J was so angry that this person would bring drugs into our home. I was angry he would bring a person into my PARENT'S home.
J drove us to school every day so that he could take the car to "work". He had to have a car because he would drive to so many different appointments. I always thought it was weird that with all the driving he did for this job, he never got reimbursed for gas. It was very frustrating. We had to file bankruptcy about five years ago. When we did, we lost our car. My parents were self-less enough to actually give me their extra car. I never had the title changed into my name or anything. My mom told me that I needed to put the title in my name and also that I needed to get it insured in our name. I told J I needed it to be insured. He told me that he had already gotten insurance on it. I asked him where the proof of insurance cards were to put in the glove box and he told me he hadn't received them yet. Once again, weird. I literally thought I was going crazy because nothing ever seemed right. NOTHING. The car's registration expired in December. It was now February and it still wasn't registered. J told me at the beginning of December he would take care of it. He said he tried to get it to pass inspection but there was so much wrong with it that it would be hundreds of dollars to fix it. Hundreds of dollars we certainly didn't have. He kept telling me we would get it taken care of though. I was having a hard time finding the time to go and get the title changed to my name because I worked all day and also had school. J offered to go and do it for me one day while I was at work. After it was done he told me he had to put the title in his name because I wasn't present to do it and you physically have to be there. I knew my parents wouldn't be happy about that. They specifically told me to put it in my name and my name only.
We seemed to always be stuck after school waiting for him to show up to get us. Like I said, he was late to everything (he used to ALWAYS be the most prompt person ever). And often he wouldn't even show up to things he said he'd be to. It was always something. Literally. EVERY single day.
We were fighting EVERY single day. I was always confronting him about something, and then we'd fight because most often he would have an excuse or deny things. I got to the point where I couldn't hold my anger in. I had so many crazy emotions going on all at once all the time, I would just blow up. I was going crazy and really honestly wondered if I was going insane. I thought I may be bipolar, or that I was having a nervous breakdown. I was so scared. What was wrong with me? Why did I never feel like I had anything under control? I felt like I was in a huge pit and no matter how hard I tried to climb out, the pit would just get deeper and deeper. I was worn out in every sense of the word.
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