Divorce...
Divorce is such a strong word. I hate it. I hate to say it, I hate to hear it, I hate to read it, and I hate to write it. Hate is a very strong word too! So you must see how deeply I despise the word divorce. I have said this nearly every post, but I truly am so naive. Everyday, even though I think I have seen, heard, and been through it all, it seems I still hear or see something that is completely shocking. As was last night. Once again, here is my naivety coming out. I had no idea that if kids are involved, in order for a judge to sign the papers stating that your divorce is final, you by law, have to attend what they call a divorce class. I really had no idea what this class would entail. I went last night. I drive to the building that it was held. I pull into the parking lot, and I see a line going out the door. I thought, "There must be other things that are held here tonight as well.". I walk past the people in line as they're all looking at me as if they were wondering where the heck I was going. I think to myself how unhappy and almost a sense of anger I saw in their faces. I ask a man with a badge where I go for the divorce class. He points out the door and says, "You need to go to the end of this line." I was shocked. ALL of these people are here because they are filing for divorce?!!! Oh my goodness. Not only are they here because they are getting divorced but every one of these people have children as well. Even if each person just had one child, that's at least 50 kids right there! No wonder, as I have had the opportunity to work in the public school system for the past five years, I notice that every year the student's behaviors seem to get worse and worse. Granted not all behavior issues stem back to being a victim of divorce, but there is just so much conflict and stress that kids should NEVER have to witness, but unfortunately many do. I have seen the affects it has had on my own precious kiddos. These poor innocent children that in no way, shape, or form signed up for this.
This is extremely putting myself out there for judgement myself, but in all honesty I thought I would be attending this class with people that (totally being judgmental and stereo-typical), looked let's, say rough around the edges. I will just leave it at that. I feel horrible admitting that I thought that as it is. This was SO not the case. There were people there from all walks of life; old, young, distinguished looking, people that did in fact look a little rough around the edges, people that looked (key word looked, again who am I to judge? There is only One qualified for that job) wealthy, people that looked maybe like they may not have much money, etc. I then started thinking, "here I am because at this point I really don't have a choice to divorce if I want myself and my kids to have a healthy, stable lifestyle." Then I resentfully start thinking, "I dare say some of these people here (here I go judging once again, even after I have been doing so much better not to) could probably work things out with their spouse but they just don't want to deal with it anymore.
I walk in after registering to find that not many seats were left. I spot one on the front row next to two nice-looking (man I am sorry for all the judgmental thoughts I had!) women that were maybe just a bit older than me. A licensed marriage and family therapist talks to us for three hours. Although it was a very long class, I have to say that I am very glad that it is required of couples divorcing to attend. This class is based solely on looking out for the children's best interest who are being directly affected by the divorce. Much of it was common sense, but it was good to be reminded. However, there was a lot of things he talked about that I honestly wouldn't have thought of to help my kids transition the best possible way they possibly could with such a traumatic event in their lives.
We did have a couple of breaks while we were there. During the breaks I pulled out my textbooks for school and read my reading assignments for my classes. The cute lady next to me asked if I was going to school. Then she and her friend sitting next to her, and I started talking.We got down to talking about the divorces we were going through. The lady sitting right next to me was simply there to be a support to her friend. How sweet is that?! Her friend that is actually going through the divorce asked me after we had talked for a few minutes if I was LDS. I told her I was. She said they were too, and said she and her soon to be ex were sealed in the Temple and how she would have never in a million years pictured that this would be the outcome she would be experiencing after 14 years of marriage. I told her that J and I, too, were sealed in the Temple and I felt the exact same way. I don't know exactly the cause of her divorce, but from what I gathered, it sounded like it could be an extremely similar situation to mine. I honestly cannot believe how many people are going through similar experiences.
During our next break a lady who looked extremely exhausted and weary, that was extremely thin, had clothes on that were way too big for her, walked up and asked the therapist that was teaching the class if she could ask him a question. She looked like she was maybe in her mid to late thirties. I could hear a few of the things she was saying. I heard her say that she her 8, 5, and 3 year old boys have been severely abused in many different ways from her soon to be ex husband. I heard her tell him that he dis-located her three year old's shoulder, threatened to hit her 8 year old in the face with a bat, and was most likely sexually abusing the two younger kids. WHOA. Suddenly, my situation is NOTHING compared to what she has had to endure. I wanted to run up to her and give her a great big hug and tell her that if there was anything I could do to please let me help her. Why? I thought. Why do people have to go through so much like this sweet woman? I have been through NOTHING compared to her. NOTHING.
Then I thought about how judgmental I had been. I know better than that. But I would hope and pray that people won't judge me for being an almost divorced person. I think especially because of our strong belief in the family being central to our Heavenly Father's plan, that people within the church (sadly myself once included) have a tendency to be quick to judge someone that is divorced. This again just proved that there is NO room for judgement. For all I know the people that I tagged as being there simply because being married is just too much work, could be leaving an abusive relationship and trying to just make a better life for their kids and themselves.
I miss J. I miss him so badly at times I literally can't breathe. I never imagined two people who were so in love and were best friends would wind up where we are. I just keep thinking it's not real. It CAN'T be. But unfortunately, it is...
This is extremely putting myself out there for judgement myself, but in all honesty I thought I would be attending this class with people that (totally being judgmental and stereo-typical), looked let's, say rough around the edges. I will just leave it at that. I feel horrible admitting that I thought that as it is. This was SO not the case. There were people there from all walks of life; old, young, distinguished looking, people that did in fact look a little rough around the edges, people that looked (key word looked, again who am I to judge? There is only One qualified for that job) wealthy, people that looked maybe like they may not have much money, etc. I then started thinking, "here I am because at this point I really don't have a choice to divorce if I want myself and my kids to have a healthy, stable lifestyle." Then I resentfully start thinking, "I dare say some of these people here (here I go judging once again, even after I have been doing so much better not to) could probably work things out with their spouse but they just don't want to deal with it anymore.
I walk in after registering to find that not many seats were left. I spot one on the front row next to two nice-looking (man I am sorry for all the judgmental thoughts I had!) women that were maybe just a bit older than me. A licensed marriage and family therapist talks to us for three hours. Although it was a very long class, I have to say that I am very glad that it is required of couples divorcing to attend. This class is based solely on looking out for the children's best interest who are being directly affected by the divorce. Much of it was common sense, but it was good to be reminded. However, there was a lot of things he talked about that I honestly wouldn't have thought of to help my kids transition the best possible way they possibly could with such a traumatic event in their lives.
We did have a couple of breaks while we were there. During the breaks I pulled out my textbooks for school and read my reading assignments for my classes. The cute lady next to me asked if I was going to school. Then she and her friend sitting next to her, and I started talking.We got down to talking about the divorces we were going through. The lady sitting right next to me was simply there to be a support to her friend. How sweet is that?! Her friend that is actually going through the divorce asked me after we had talked for a few minutes if I was LDS. I told her I was. She said they were too, and said she and her soon to be ex were sealed in the Temple and how she would have never in a million years pictured that this would be the outcome she would be experiencing after 14 years of marriage. I told her that J and I, too, were sealed in the Temple and I felt the exact same way. I don't know exactly the cause of her divorce, but from what I gathered, it sounded like it could be an extremely similar situation to mine. I honestly cannot believe how many people are going through similar experiences.
During our next break a lady who looked extremely exhausted and weary, that was extremely thin, had clothes on that were way too big for her, walked up and asked the therapist that was teaching the class if she could ask him a question. She looked like she was maybe in her mid to late thirties. I could hear a few of the things she was saying. I heard her say that she her 8, 5, and 3 year old boys have been severely abused in many different ways from her soon to be ex husband. I heard her tell him that he dis-located her three year old's shoulder, threatened to hit her 8 year old in the face with a bat, and was most likely sexually abusing the two younger kids. WHOA. Suddenly, my situation is NOTHING compared to what she has had to endure. I wanted to run up to her and give her a great big hug and tell her that if there was anything I could do to please let me help her. Why? I thought. Why do people have to go through so much like this sweet woman? I have been through NOTHING compared to her. NOTHING.
Then I thought about how judgmental I had been. I know better than that. But I would hope and pray that people won't judge me for being an almost divorced person. I think especially because of our strong belief in the family being central to our Heavenly Father's plan, that people within the church (sadly myself once included) have a tendency to be quick to judge someone that is divorced. This again just proved that there is NO room for judgement. For all I know the people that I tagged as being there simply because being married is just too much work, could be leaving an abusive relationship and trying to just make a better life for their kids and themselves.
I miss J. I miss him so badly at times I literally can't breathe. I never imagined two people who were so in love and were best friends would wind up where we are. I just keep thinking it's not real. It CAN'T be. But unfortunately, it is...
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