The Truth about addiction.
After J was served papers and then he disappeared for almost five weeks without a word or sign from him, I was extremely worried about him, but I was FINALLY (as I believe I mentioned in a previous post) not so consumed by him and that whole situation. I was feeling a great sense of peace and reassurance that everything was falling into place. Then as I have mentioned in my last 2 posts, I received that email from him. That was two weeks ago. Since I read that I have communicated with him through email a few more times. I have also had those hopeless feelings creep up on me once again. I just wish I could pound those feelings into the ground! I have said this before, but even though logically I KNOW in my mind that his actions are a result of drug abuse and other horrible addictions, my heart still looks at these actions and makes me wonder, "Why am I not good enough?". But as I have talked with more people and researched more about the effects of drug abuse, I'm beginning to finally help my heart realize what I know in my mind is really the way it is. I have not one doubt in my mind that J loves the kids and I. I know that he believes (even if right now it is buried deep down) what he dedicated two years of his life to teaching. I know that he was sent here to do so many, many great and important things to help build the Kingdom of God here on the earth. I know he was. That is why it is the most heart wrenching thing to see what these addictions can do to a person.
I am sure that most of the world is not near as naive as myself when it comes to real world issues and problems such as drugs. But even if there are many who are already extremely knowledgeable about it, it never hurts to be reminded. Even if we think we are exempt from ever falling into something that we think would never be a problem for us, we are just as capable as anyone else. I NEVER thought I would deal with such a horrible addiction as I have with my eating disorder. Ever. Even like I said in the beginning, I thought I wasn't doing anything real harmful to my body. I swallowed a pen for heaven sakes!!!! I thought I had complete control and that it would never turn into something that I couldn't handle. Even when I would come to after passing out, or when I'd be laying on the ground in tears because my legs hurt so bad I couldn't move, I still thought I was in control. That I could stop whenever I wanted. Every single day, I have to make a conscious decision to fight the temptations of purging, weighing myself 30 times a day, restricting food, eating the right amounts of food, etc. Every day. I think that the more I rely on my Heavenly Father, the easier it will become to fight those temptations, but I think that those temptations will ALWAYS be there. They will haunt me for the rest of my life. They (hopefully) won't continue to be so powerful, but they are going to be there. I think that addiction, no matter what it may be, drugs, alcohol, smoking, pornography, caffeine, eating (too much/little), video games, etc., is Satan's biggest tool. He knows that in my case, it would have been EXTREMELY difficult to lead me to an addiction such as drugs, not that it couldn't have happened, but it would have been hard. However, he knows how I feel about myself. He knows that I never felt like I fit in, or that I was good enough, or that I have had an extremely low self-esteem. So that is what he did. He targeted me in that way. He's smart, and if we let him, he can lead us to believe that trying something just once won't hurt. Just like J tried whatever drug he first tried, I tried making myself not eat, and then making myself purge when I did. Once I tried, it became easier and easier to keep doing. And I was also justifying my actions more and more. Not only is satan trying to make us think once won't hurt, but he also puts the thought in our head that when making such choices, it is really only going to affect me, not anyone else.
In General Conference of October 2010 Elder M. Russell Ballard gave a talk on addiction. He said:
"I add my voice today to the voices of my Brethren that Lucifer is a clever and cunning intelligence. One of the main methods he uses against us is his ability to lie and deceive to convince us that evil is good and good is evil. Right from the very beginning in the great Council in Heaven, Satan “sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him. …"
There are so many things that we are plagued with every single day. Some things that we simply can't dodge, or be sheltered from. For example, we go to Las Vegas occasionally. It is pretty close to where we live. I am not a big fan of going there. I don't like the feelings it brings. Don't get me wrong. Not all of it feels yucky and dirty. I am mainly referring to the strip. There are so many fun things to do and see on the strip. But as you walk down, there are people everywhere handing out pornography. There are newspaper machines plastered with it. The way many of the people dress. And all over there are billboards and signs with inappropriate pictures. Sadly, it takes away so much of what could be such a fun amazing thing. Or when you are in a public place and you hear someone using foul language. Or when you are innocently flipping through TV stations and you see something inappropriate. There are so many things that we can't always prevent, or that we can't always get away from. However, there are SO many things we can that I haven't really even stopped and thought about. For instance, the music on the radio. The other day Addie was singing a song that is really popular right now. I was actually listening to the words and it made me sick to think that here is my innocent sweet 11 year old singing this song and she has no idea whatsoever what the lyrics even mean. But they aren't good. Or I'll find myself justifying things that should simply not be justified. What I am trying to get at here, is that the more and more we are exposed voluntarily or involuntarily to things that are only a detriment to helping us stay on the right path, the more and more desensitized we are. That's when we let Satan step in and convince us that only once won't hurt. Or the movie only has one bad part. Or so and so does it, so it must be ok. We live in a day that we can't let our guard down even a little. I have seen this first-hand. Once we do, it becomes easier and easier to loose sight of what is right and important.
Here are some statistics that I have found as I have researched addiction and drug abuse.
I am sure that most of the world is not near as naive as myself when it comes to real world issues and problems such as drugs. But even if there are many who are already extremely knowledgeable about it, it never hurts to be reminded. Even if we think we are exempt from ever falling into something that we think would never be a problem for us, we are just as capable as anyone else. I NEVER thought I would deal with such a horrible addiction as I have with my eating disorder. Ever. Even like I said in the beginning, I thought I wasn't doing anything real harmful to my body. I swallowed a pen for heaven sakes!!!! I thought I had complete control and that it would never turn into something that I couldn't handle. Even when I would come to after passing out, or when I'd be laying on the ground in tears because my legs hurt so bad I couldn't move, I still thought I was in control. That I could stop whenever I wanted. Every single day, I have to make a conscious decision to fight the temptations of purging, weighing myself 30 times a day, restricting food, eating the right amounts of food, etc. Every day. I think that the more I rely on my Heavenly Father, the easier it will become to fight those temptations, but I think that those temptations will ALWAYS be there. They will haunt me for the rest of my life. They (hopefully) won't continue to be so powerful, but they are going to be there. I think that addiction, no matter what it may be, drugs, alcohol, smoking, pornography, caffeine, eating (too much/little), video games, etc., is Satan's biggest tool. He knows that in my case, it would have been EXTREMELY difficult to lead me to an addiction such as drugs, not that it couldn't have happened, but it would have been hard. However, he knows how I feel about myself. He knows that I never felt like I fit in, or that I was good enough, or that I have had an extremely low self-esteem. So that is what he did. He targeted me in that way. He's smart, and if we let him, he can lead us to believe that trying something just once won't hurt. Just like J tried whatever drug he first tried, I tried making myself not eat, and then making myself purge when I did. Once I tried, it became easier and easier to keep doing. And I was also justifying my actions more and more. Not only is satan trying to make us think once won't hurt, but he also puts the thought in our head that when making such choices, it is really only going to affect me, not anyone else.
In General Conference of October 2010 Elder M. Russell Ballard gave a talk on addiction. He said:
"I add my voice today to the voices of my Brethren that Lucifer is a clever and cunning intelligence. One of the main methods he uses against us is his ability to lie and deceive to convince us that evil is good and good is evil. Right from the very beginning in the great Council in Heaven, Satan “sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him. …"
There are so many things that we are plagued with every single day. Some things that we simply can't dodge, or be sheltered from. For example, we go to Las Vegas occasionally. It is pretty close to where we live. I am not a big fan of going there. I don't like the feelings it brings. Don't get me wrong. Not all of it feels yucky and dirty. I am mainly referring to the strip. There are so many fun things to do and see on the strip. But as you walk down, there are people everywhere handing out pornography. There are newspaper machines plastered with it. The way many of the people dress. And all over there are billboards and signs with inappropriate pictures. Sadly, it takes away so much of what could be such a fun amazing thing. Or when you are in a public place and you hear someone using foul language. Or when you are innocently flipping through TV stations and you see something inappropriate. There are so many things that we can't always prevent, or that we can't always get away from. However, there are SO many things we can that I haven't really even stopped and thought about. For instance, the music on the radio. The other day Addie was singing a song that is really popular right now. I was actually listening to the words and it made me sick to think that here is my innocent sweet 11 year old singing this song and she has no idea whatsoever what the lyrics even mean. But they aren't good. Or I'll find myself justifying things that should simply not be justified. What I am trying to get at here, is that the more and more we are exposed voluntarily or involuntarily to things that are only a detriment to helping us stay on the right path, the more and more desensitized we are. That's when we let Satan step in and convince us that only once won't hurt. Or the movie only has one bad part. Or so and so does it, so it must be ok. We live in a day that we can't let our guard down even a little. I have seen this first-hand. Once we do, it becomes easier and easier to loose sight of what is right and important.
Here are some statistics that I have found as I have researched addiction and drug abuse.
- In 2010 there was an estimated 22.6 million Americans over the age of 12 that were current or former illicit drug users within the last month of when the survey was given; This equates to about 8.9 percent of the population aged 12 or older.
- The drug marijuana was the most commonly used illegal substance. There was about 17.4 million individuals who used it in the past month from when the survey was taken. From 2007 and 2010, those numbers increased to 6.9 percent, up from 5.8 or 14.4 million to 17.4 million users.
- Individuals 50 to 59 years of age, their rate of past drug use went up from 2.7 percent to 5.8 percent from 2002 to 2010
- An estimated 10.0 million individual 12 to 20 years of age that admitted to being drinkers; 6.5 million were binge drinkers and 2.0 million heavy drinkers.
- Over six million children in America live with at least one parent who has a drug addiction.
- Since 1980, the number of deaths related to drug overdoses has risen over 540 percent.
- The most commonly abused drug (other than alcohol) in the United States by individuals over the age of 12 is Marijuana, followed by prescription painkillers, cocaine and hallucinogens.
- Each year, drug abuse and drug addiction cost employers over 122 billion dollar in lost productivity time and another 15 billion dollars in health insurance costs.
- Since 1990, the number of individuals who take prescription drugs illegally is believed to have risen by over 500 percent.
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