He is the Conductor of my Orchestra.
Addie was in second grade and Koley in Kindergarten. As the kids played I looked over at the back of the school. I looked towards the door that led to Addie's classroom and saw some of the kids artwork on the door. I absolutely LOVED both of the kids' teachers. They were amazing and so great with my kids.
Then it was almost as if I literally heard someone say, "You need to be a teacher.". I thought I was crazy for hearing/thinking such a thing. I had never even gave being a school teacher a thought. I just kept having that feeling, that I needed to find out what I needed to do to enroll in school so that I could one day become a teacher. I kept trying to push it out of my mind thinking that I knew I wanted to go back to school someday, but not right now. The kids were still little. I just wanted to be a mom. Throughout the next several weeks, those feelings and thoughts did not let up. FINALLY I prayed about it. I told J that I felt like I needed to go back to school and that I wanted to get my Elementary Education degree. He loved the idea, and only tried to make me know that he had faith in me to do it. He kept telling me that I would be a great teacher. That was it, the very next week I got online and signed up for classes for the fall of 2010. I only had one semester under my belt and that was nine years prior! I was extremely nervous. At this point, I was also very worried about Kevin. He always seemed to be sick. He was starting to seem different. I just resorted to the fact that his back was bothering him all the time again. He seemed to always be telling me how much pain he was in. He would sporadically ask random people if he could borrow some of their pain medicine. He would tell me that he didn't want to get addicted to it so he told his doctor to no longer prescribe him anymore. But then he would have several days where he would just say, "An, I've got to do something for my back. I can't stand it today. I'm going to go to so and so's because they said they have some Loratab (sometimes Percocet) I can borrow." Then there would be times where he would just say that he was just going to get a prescription from the doctor. An older lady in our ward, too, had had back surgery and he would ask her to borrow pain meds. I thought it was weird but I guess I wouldn't want to be in pain all of the time either. Another great man in our neighborhood was on pain medication for something and not only would J borrow from him, he would borrow from J. This man's sweet wife was in the Primary Presidency with me. She began telling me that her husband had a prescription drug problem. I told J not to give him anymore and not to borrow from him either. He vowed he wouldn't and that it was so sad and horrible that he was addicted. At this point, J was working at The Boulevard furniture store. One day I went to his work to see him. The guy I told him he needed to stop giving the medicine to was in there talking to him. Kevin hadn't seen me yet. I started to walk toward them when I saw J give him something. The guy took whatever it was and left. I then went over to J and told him that I saw that guy and asked him what he was doing there. J told me he wanted to borrow some Percocet, but that he had told him no. I didn't question what was given to him. I simply believed it and didn't think twice about it.
School started in August that year. Koley was now in first grade and Addie in third. J was out of a job yet again. I was panicking as to what we were going to do. I kept thinking that if only I had a job to help because he was in school as well (or so I thought). It was a few weeks into the school year for the kids, and I had just started. One day after school they were having what the PTA calls the "Room Parent Tea" where the room parents of each class come after school to talk with the classroom teacher about things they needed/wanted from them, class parties, etc. I was both of the kids' room parent so I was planning on going. I picked the kids up from school. I was just going to take them home and then go back for it. When we got home from school Koley started having a meltdown because he left one of his books at school. I told him that I would get it when I went back. As I was walking into the school I was about to pass the school's staff developer. I didn't really know her. As she approached me she said, "Hey aren't you Koleman's mom?" I told her I was as I was thinking, "Oh no why is she asking?". She then proceeded to tell me
that they implemented what they call OEK (Optional Extended day Kindergarten) kindergarten into the school that year. It is a program offered to kindergarten students who are far below where they should be academically. They stay half the day in their regular kindergarten class and the other half in the OEK class which is more of an intense intervention. She told me that Koleman's Kindergarten teacher was teaching the morning session and she was teaching the afternoon. She then told me they needed an aide to help in the class with small group instruction, and to take the kids to lunch. She said that Koleman's kindergarten teacher had said that if I was interested, she thought I would be good for the job (as I had volunteered in her classroom every week.) She then asked if I had a minute to meet with the principal. Of course I did!!! I was hired!! What a blessing. I worked there for 3 years. My first year I just did OEK. The next year the district adopted a new reading intervention called Leveled Literacy Intervention or LLI. The sweet principal wanted me to conduct one of the groups. I was trained and was able to do that as well as still help in OEK. Last year I conducted four LLI reading groups, took the OEK kids to lunch, and then in the afternoon was the computer lab aide. So very blessed!!!! I was gaining a LOT of valuable experience, was able to be with my kids, and the best thing was that as the nightmare with J was in full force, it was 6 hours everyday that I could go and loose myself in what I was doing and being around all of these amazing kids. On top of it I absolutely adore the teachers, staff and the amazing principal. As I was finishing up my general requirements and my prerequisite education classes last year, it was time to apply for the Elementary Education program. I started having doubts again. Thoughts would pop into my mind like, "There's no way you can do this. There are tons of people applying and I'm sure they would all be far greater candidates." Although uncertain of myself I applied anyway. I interviewed in February last year. One day while at work, my mom calls me on my lunch break. She told me I had received a big envelope from Dixie State University. It had to be my letter telling me if I was accepted into the program it not. I couldn't wait another three hours till I got home to open it. I told my mom to open it and read it. I was just waiting for the words "We regret to inform you"....,.... My mom started reading it and immediately burst into tears before she could get it out. "Oh no", I thought, " I didn't get in." She then reads "We are happy to inform you that you have been accepted into the Elementary Education program at Dixie State University!!!!" I couldn't believe it!!! I got in!!!! I thought I wouldn't stand a chance because so many applied and I knew some people I was up against. I ran across the hall to Addie's classroom and asked her teacher if I could talk to her for a minute. She came in the hall. "I got in the program!!", I nearly shouted! She started jumping up and down and cheering!! It was so fun to share that moment with her!! When we got home from school, my sweet mom had my acceptance letter, balloons, flowers, and my favorite candy sitting on a table she set up so I would see it right when I walked in the door. What a sweetheart!! Oh how I love her!!
Summer came and was extremely hard. I was wanting school to start! When it finally did, I almost immediately made some AMAZING friends! I noticed when we had our orientation, that there were some other girls closer to my age in there that had kids as well. I thought I would bond best with them because of circumstances. Although I do love them, my dearest friends are almost fifteen years younger!!! I sat at this table one day with this darling group of girls and INSTANTLY fell in love with them! None of them have kids, most just recently married, but I feel more myself and comfortable around them than most people! I know I'll want to keep in touch with them forever!! Another tender mercy.
As I sat reflecting on my life the past few years, I couldn't get over how perfectly orchestrated it had been. I didn't just feel I should be a teacher by chance. I didn't get the job at the school by chance. I didn't get into the program by chance. I didn't meet these amazing girls by chance. EVERYTHING has been done and happened I KNOW with the Lord's hand in it every step of the way! Every step! I am blessed beyond measure!!! Although I don't have my own home, a car, or even money for anything extra, I have all that is important. All that genuinely brings happiness. I am so thankful my Heavenly Father helped open my eyes the other night. Yet again, another tender mercy!!!
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