Move with the herd or towards the Lord??
Dear J,
Today I had the privilege of going and listening to some of our dear friends speak in Sacrament Meeting. As I sat there listening to some great talks, it dawned on me that you don't even know these awesome friends that we've only known for about six months, but yet feels like we've known forever. I then started thinking that our lives now are COMPLETELY different, for very obvious reasons, but even more than that. You don't know what the kids are doing now, what is going on in my life and the things I am trying to accomplish. I mentioned before, the conversation that Addie and I had about you. The part where she said, "Having a dad just feels like a dream", that is beginning to feel that way to me as well, having a husband and a father to my two babies, it just feels as though it were a dream. So much has changed in the year and a half since you left for the last time. I'm sure for you as well, but in a very different way.
Addie's little friend that spoke in their ward's Sacrament meeting gave such a great talk and in it she read a story from the New Era that was entitled "Failing Popularity 101" from the November 2004 issue. It was about a boy that said he never failed a class except for one, popularity 101. This class was a class that was graded solely by his peers. He failed because he wasn't "cool enough", he didn't look good enough, and he wasn't involved in all of the activities that were considered to be what the popular kids did. He noticed that the popular kids were always cheating on homework. He felt desperate to be popular and accepted. He looked at someone's paper for an answer. A boy next to him asked if he was cheating. He realized that after one dishonesty it was so easy to follow with another. It went on to say that he watched this boy who asked if he was cheating. He had a lot of friends, but he didn't cheat, he didn't lower his standards to fit in with the "popular" kids. It was a very good story that really hit me. It hit me for a couple of reasons. One being that tomorrow is the first day of school. This summer and even last school year, I have noticed Addie losing more and more of the confidence that she so strongly displayed her entire life. She has gotten to the point where she is actually shy around new people or certain people and is afraid to put herself out there in fear of not being accepted. That was NEVER how Addie was before. She was confidant, loved life, and thrived on being friends with any and everyone. She sells herself short and feels that because she doesn't know how to play soccer like so many of her friends, or because she isn't in the gifted classes at school, because she doesn't have her own house, because she doesn't have a dad around she is going to be judged and not accepted. Then my mind drifted to some girls I have seen her age on Instagram. The way they dress, the way they talk, the fact that they proudly announce they have boyfriends and have kissed boys, it all came flooding in my mind. These kids are only 12 years old. So much younger than it seems it was when I was there age, are their standards rapidly falling. So many of them posting pictures barely dressed, and then posting a few pictures later them going to do Baptisms for the Dead. I worry. I know Addie is strong. I feel she has a good head on her shoulders and naturally WANTS to do what is right. But I still worry. As her confidence has so rapidly declined from where it once was, I don't EVER want her to feel that she needs to lower her standards to feel accepted. I want her to stand strong for what she believes. I want her to be the first to include someone that may not have a friend. Her age is so hard. I feel she won't waiver, I know that the girl I want her to be is who she truly is, but Satan is relentless. That is when my thoughts turned to you. Don't you remember J? You were the one telling anyone and everyone you knew about the gospel. You were the first to say you weren't going to watch a movie that you didn't feel comfortable with. You were the one that just a couple of years ago got up and turned a movie off that we were told was really good, but it wasn't abiding by the standards that we would look for in a movie. Don't you remember your mission? All of the people that you taught. All of the people that were so dear to you that you wanted so desperately to have the happiness you knew they could only gain from having the gospel in their lives? What about the beautiful blessings that you gave your son, your daughter and myself whenever we were in need? What about the feeling you had when you were able to baptize your beautiful eight year old daughter, and then how it must have felt to not be able to baptize your son just a couple of short years later. Satan is relentless, but we are the ones that decided if we are going to let him have that power. There is a beautiful quote by one of my favorite apostles of all time Elder Neal A. Maxwell. He says:
Today I had the privilege of going and listening to some of our dear friends speak in Sacrament Meeting. As I sat there listening to some great talks, it dawned on me that you don't even know these awesome friends that we've only known for about six months, but yet feels like we've known forever. I then started thinking that our lives now are COMPLETELY different, for very obvious reasons, but even more than that. You don't know what the kids are doing now, what is going on in my life and the things I am trying to accomplish. I mentioned before, the conversation that Addie and I had about you. The part where she said, "Having a dad just feels like a dream", that is beginning to feel that way to me as well, having a husband and a father to my two babies, it just feels as though it were a dream. So much has changed in the year and a half since you left for the last time. I'm sure for you as well, but in a very different way. Addie's little friend that spoke in their ward's Sacrament meeting gave such a great talk and in it she read a story from the New Era that was entitled "Failing Popularity 101" from the November 2004 issue. It was about a boy that said he never failed a class except for one, popularity 101. This class was a class that was graded solely by his peers. He failed because he wasn't "cool enough", he didn't look good enough, and he wasn't involved in all of the activities that were considered to be what the popular kids did. He noticed that the popular kids were always cheating on homework. He felt desperate to be popular and accepted. He looked at someone's paper for an answer. A boy next to him asked if he was cheating. He realized that after one dishonesty it was so easy to follow with another. It went on to say that he watched this boy who asked if he was cheating. He had a lot of friends, but he didn't cheat, he didn't lower his standards to fit in with the "popular" kids. It was a very good story that really hit me. It hit me for a couple of reasons. One being that tomorrow is the first day of school. This summer and even last school year, I have noticed Addie losing more and more of the confidence that she so strongly displayed her entire life. She has gotten to the point where she is actually shy around new people or certain people and is afraid to put herself out there in fear of not being accepted. That was NEVER how Addie was before. She was confidant, loved life, and thrived on being friends with any and everyone. She sells herself short and feels that because she doesn't know how to play soccer like so many of her friends, or because she isn't in the gifted classes at school, because she doesn't have her own house, because she doesn't have a dad around she is going to be judged and not accepted. Then my mind drifted to some girls I have seen her age on Instagram. The way they dress, the way they talk, the fact that they proudly announce they have boyfriends and have kissed boys, it all came flooding in my mind. These kids are only 12 years old. So much younger than it seems it was when I was there age, are their standards rapidly falling. So many of them posting pictures barely dressed, and then posting a few pictures later them going to do Baptisms for the Dead. I worry. I know Addie is strong. I feel she has a good head on her shoulders and naturally WANTS to do what is right. But I still worry. As her confidence has so rapidly declined from where it once was, I don't EVER want her to feel that she needs to lower her standards to feel accepted. I want her to stand strong for what she believes. I want her to be the first to include someone that may not have a friend. Her age is so hard. I feel she won't waiver, I know that the girl I want her to be is who she truly is, but Satan is relentless. That is when my thoughts turned to you. Don't you remember J? You were the one telling anyone and everyone you knew about the gospel. You were the first to say you weren't going to watch a movie that you didn't feel comfortable with. You were the one that just a couple of years ago got up and turned a movie off that we were told was really good, but it wasn't abiding by the standards that we would look for in a movie. Don't you remember your mission? All of the people that you taught. All of the people that were so dear to you that you wanted so desperately to have the happiness you knew they could only gain from having the gospel in their lives? What about the beautiful blessings that you gave your son, your daughter and myself whenever we were in need? What about the feeling you had when you were able to baptize your beautiful eight year old daughter, and then how it must have felt to not be able to baptize your son just a couple of short years later. Satan is relentless, but we are the ones that decided if we are going to let him have that power. There is a beautiful quote by one of my favorite apostles of all time Elder Neal A. Maxwell. He says:
Popularity
is dangerous especially because it focuses us on ourselves rather than
keeping us attentive to the needs of others. We become preoccupied with
self and with being noticed, letting those in real need ‘pass by’ us,
and we ‘notice them not’ (Morm. 8:39). It is a sad fact, therefore, that popularity gets in the way of our keeping both of the two great commandments! (See Matt. 22:36–40.) …
“Jesus gave us the ending demographics: wide is the gate and popular and broad is the way that leads to destruction (see Matt. 7:13).
The narrow and straight way that leads to salvation, alas, is the path
less traveled by. Hence, there is no way we can both move with the herd
and also move toward Jesus.” —Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926–2004), “Popularity and Principle,”
Ensign,
Mar. 1995, 15.
The path toward the popularity and things of the world IS wide and it is easily chosen over the straight and narrow path that leads us to our true ultimate goal, that of eternal salvation. The wide path that is more frequently traveled like Elder Maxwell says, it does lead to one thing, destruction. I have witnessed that in the most devastating, heart-breaking way as I have watched you take that path. As I have watched as it seems you so easily have given up all that was good all that was worthwhile, all that would lead you to your eternal salvation.
As this new school year starts, I want nothing more for Addie and Koleman than for them to realize that who they are is enough. Staying close to the Lord and staying on the straight and narrow path is truly the ONLY way to be genuinely happy. I want them to stand up for what they believe, even if that means not looking "cool", even if that means not being accepted by the "popular kids". I want them to hold tight to the word of God. To guard what is and should be of most value to them, their standards, their beliefs, and their love for the Lord. I want that for them. I want that for all of us. I want that for you. I feel most days, that there is no hope of you wanting that same thing again. But it's never too late to change, to turn your heart to the Lord. He is patiently waiting with His arms wide open for you to turn to Him. To humble yourself enough to leave your burdens at His feet. I don't know what will happen, but I pray every single day for you to want that as well.
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