Who He Really Is...

I was cleaning out some drawers today and found a disc that was only labeled 2007. I popped it in the DVD player and quickly realize it is this video J made me for Mother's Day. I almost immediately turned it off, as I didn't want to feel any pain today. This week has been too much as it is with crazy things going on. But I just couldn't do it. I sat and watched it all the way through. Although it was hard, and I sobbed through it, I feel like it was a tender mercy from my Heavenly Father. This video shows who J really is. Who he STILL is, even though it may be buried deep down right now. This is the man I miss more than I can bare some days. When I say he was the BEST father and husband EVER, I meant it. This movie is proof. He made one for me almost every mother's day. There wasn't a better husband that ever lived. I hate drugs. I hate that there isn't something better to prescribe innocent people for pain management. I hate what they have taken from my kids and I. Someone recently told me that if I don't get over this and move forward, I will never be happy. Although it is true, and I know it was said only out of care for my well being, this video hopefully can convey at least a glimpse of maybe why it just isn't that simple. I need to let go. He is a different person that I don't know will ever be the same again. He has moved on with another person. I can't let go. I need to. It's too hard. I can do hard things right?