Dream... Or nightmare.
Dear J,
So for the past three nights I have had a dream. It has been a little different each time but in all of them it is me watching you treat your new wife the way you used to treat me. You're always telling her how amazing she is. How beautiful she is. Looking out for her and having her back. Sounds like a nice dream, but for me, it's been a nightmare. Knowing you've made the choice to marry her, I actually hope you do treat her that way. As hard as it is to think about, she is now your wife and I
hope nobody else would have to go through the pain and despair I have felt. I've said it before, the drug abuse was heart wrenching. The lying hurt more than I can say. The unfaithfulness was more than I could handle. But the pain I have seen our two precious children endure has just about done me in. When I cry, they suffer. When they need a dad to escort them places only a dad can, they suffer. When they need a fathers priesthood blessing, they suffer. When their mom and their dad are not one any longer, they suffer.
I don't know what your intentions are now. I haven't heard from you now for a couple of weeks. The last email I got, you were upset at my reluctance to let you see the kids. I've tried to tell you that it isn't my reluctance that's holding you back. It's theirs. I just want you to understand. I wish SO BADLY you could see into my heart. I am praying that one day the kids will choose to have you in their lives. In all honesty, I don't know if they will. The damage is extensive. I know, however, our Heavenly Father is there... ALWAYS. He knows what is best for them. He knows what they can do. He will prepare them to see you, if that be His will. If for some crazy reason you ever read this, I hope you will know that as well and place your faith in Him, as I am so desperately trying to. I love you Kevin. I always have. I always will.
Love, Andrea
So for the past three nights I have had a dream. It has been a little different each time but in all of them it is me watching you treat your new wife the way you used to treat me. You're always telling her how amazing she is. How beautiful she is. Looking out for her and having her back. Sounds like a nice dream, but for me, it's been a nightmare. Knowing you've made the choice to marry her, I actually hope you do treat her that way. As hard as it is to think about, she is now your wife and I
I don't know what your intentions are now. I haven't heard from you now for a couple of weeks. The last email I got, you were upset at my reluctance to let you see the kids. I've tried to tell you that it isn't my reluctance that's holding you back. It's theirs. I just want you to understand. I wish SO BADLY you could see into my heart. I am praying that one day the kids will choose to have you in their lives. In all honesty, I don't know if they will. The damage is extensive. I know, however, our Heavenly Father is there... ALWAYS. He knows what is best for them. He knows what they can do. He will prepare them to see you, if that be His will. If for some crazy reason you ever read this, I hope you will know that as well and place your faith in Him, as I am so desperately trying to. I love you Kevin. I always have. I always will.
Love, Andrea
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