Trials Are Gifts in Disguise...

It is amazing to me how much you think you know, when in fact, you don't really know what you thought you did. I'm not saying I wasn't supposed to get married when I did to the man I did. I feel that I was for two reasons, Addie and Koleman. I know I was specifically chosen to be their mother. I don't know why, because of my many imperfections, but I was supposed to be their mom. I am so incredibly grateful for the trials I've been given!!! I can truly step back and see the last 14 and a half years for what they are and what I was, and still am learning from the experiences I've had. One thing that I've come to know is that I have countless imperfections, however, those imperfections are a gift. We all have them. We may be the first to admit what they are, or we may hide behind a picture that we paint of having an ideal life. Regardless, we're all full of flaws. That's what makes life great!! The flaws we have are only grounds to do all that we can to not only work hard, but appreciate who we were sent here to become!! I LOVED being able to watch The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Semi-Annual General Conference a couple of weeks ago. So many powerful talks that were inspired and given with guidance from our Heavenly Father!!! One of my favorites was given by Niell F. Marriott second counselor in the Young Women's General Presidency. She says, "He takes us as we are—and makes us more than we ever imagined." I am the first to admit that especially the past few years, oft times I have felt sorry for myself, wanted to throw my hands up, and completely give up. I didn't, and I won't. And now I'm able to be at such an amazing place in my life where I can genuinely have a deep gratitude for my trials. I am confident that I would NEVER have been able to be the person I am today, and the person I'm striving to become if it weren't for the challenges that have been thrown in my path. I am not the same person that relied on the world to determine if I am good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough, etc. I'm not going to sit here and write a great big lie and make myself out to be the most amazing person ever. I still allow Satan to put thoughts into my mind telling me according to worldly standards, I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, successful enough, etc. The difference now is that those thoughts don't stay long. Sometimes they stay longer than others, but I have learned to turn to the source that actually is the only source that can help me feel my true self worth, and that is my Heavenly Father. I don't settle like I once did, for what I think I deserve because of what the world says. I know who I am. I know that regardless of the many, many flaws I do have, I can look past and learn from them with the tools that we all have access to; prayer, scripture study, and service. I have so much to work on. I have a LONG way to go in order to become who I was sent here to be. It's not easy. In fact some days it's down right exhausting, but I can do it. We ALL can do it. We ALL have a loving Father in Heaven to lead and guide us. 

  Maybe I wasn't meant to be married to the person I thought I was meant for, but I WAS meant to go through the difficulties and heartache in order for me to not only have my two greatest blessings, but to be where I am today. I can never express the gratitude I have for that.